• Mission Dolores - After an in-depth exploration of the Old Spanish Mission’s history, the tour will take an unexpected twist. Prepare for an unforgettable tale.

DISCLAIMER: Only 51% of the information provided is guaranteed to be accurate. Guests are encouraged to distinguish between fact and fiction.

“Never let the truth come in the way of a good story.”
–Mark Twain

• Mission Dolores Park - On the picturesque lawn of the trendiest park in The City, your host will delight you with a traditional San Francisco folktale.

Before proceeding to the next stop, there will be a chance to use the restroom.

• Harvey Milk Plaza - Experience the vibrant atmosphere of the Gayest Place on Earth and discover the infamous Twinkie Defense.

Here, you can purchase refreshments from a local vendor: coffee, cocktails, ice cream, etc. Hot Cookie is a popular choice, offering X-rated baked goods.

• Corona Heights - At the base of the majestic mountain, you’ll learn about the many quirks of Emperor Norton—San Francisco’s most cherished eccentric.
• Duboce Triangle - Amidst the stunning Queen Anne Victorians, your host will captivate you with a magical story about a world traveler like yourself.

WARNING! The tour includes profanity, blasphemy, rhyming, drug references, and occasional nudity. The route covers 2 miles (3.5 kilometers); piggyback rides are available for an additional fee.

• Tour of three distinct neighborhoods
• Entertaining experiences throughout

• Bottled water

• Discover the city with San Francisco’s most humorous, creative, and thrilling storyteller!

• Delight in unique folklore and fairy tales narrated by Clyde Always, a seasoned storyteller, published poet, and a decade-long resident of the City by the Bay. Listen to tales of witches and wise men, hobos and hipster-emperors. Let your imagination run wild!

• Explore these three renowned neighborhoods: the Mission, the Castro, and the Duboce Triangle.

• Gain insider tips on the best dining spots, parks, shops, and more. Admire stunning street art, landmarks, and architecture. Experience the city like a true local.

• Caution! Some of the information shared may be highly unbelievable. Enjoy distinguishing fact from fiction.

• A 2.2 mile (3.5 km) walk with no hills. One public restroom available along the route.

• Please be aware: this tour is not suitable for the entire family. The script contains profanity, and you might encounter a nudist or two.

• Guaranteed to entertain, invigorate, and uplift. An experience you’ll cherish forever.

For a full refund, cancel at least 24 hours before the scheduled departure time.