• Mission Dolores - After an in-depth history of the Old Spanish Mission, the tour will take an unexpected twist. Prepare for an unforgettable tale.

DISCLAIMER: Only 51% of the information provided is guaranteed to be accurate. Guests are encouraged to distinguish fact from fiction.

“Never let the truth come in the way of a good story.”
–Mark Twain

• Mission Dolores Park - On the picturesque lawn of the trendiest park in The City, your host will regale you with a traditional San Francisco folktale.

Before proceeding to the next location, there will be a chance to use the restroom.

• Harvey Milk Plaza - Experience the Gayest Place on Earth and learn about the infamous Twinkie Defense.

Here, you will have the opportunity to purchase refreshments from local vendors: coffee, cocktails, ice cream, etc. Hot Cookie is a popular choice, featuring X-rated baked goods.

• Corona Heights - At the base of the mighty mountain, you’ll hear about the many eccentricities of Emperor Norton—San Francisco’s most beloved eccentric.
• Duboce Triangle - Among the rows of stunning Queen Anne Victorians, your host will captivate you with a magical story about a world traveler like yourself.

WARNING! The tour includes profanity, blasphemy, rhyming, drug references, and occasional nudity. The route is 2 miles (3.5 kilometers); piggyback rides are available for an additional charge.

• Tour of three distinct neighborhoods
• Entertaining experiences throughout

• Bottled water

• Traverse the bustling streets of San Francisco in the company of the city’s most charismatic, witty, and THRILLING narrator!

• Listen to an assortment of ORIGINAL MYTHS and LEGENDS as told by Clyde Always, an expert raconteur, published poet, and a longtime dweller of the City by the Bay; featuring stories about witches, wise men, vagabonds, and quirky monarchs. All you need to bring is your creativity!

• Become acquainted with three renowned districts: Mission, Castro and Duboce Triangle.

• Get privileged insights about the top dining spots, parks, stores and more. Admire impressive street art, significant landmarks and splendid architecture. Experience the city from a local’s perspective.

• HEADS UP! Some of the details shared on this tour may seem totally INCONCEIVABLE. It’s up to you to distinguish between truth and tales.

• The route consists of a flat 2.2 mile (3.5 km) walk with a public restroom available midway.

• Kindly note: this tour is NOT suitable for everyone in the family. The script includes foul language and there’s a chance of encountering a nudist or two.

• A guarantee to entertain, invigorate and motivate. A memorable adventure you won’t soon forget.

For a full refund, cancel at least 24 hours before the scheduled departure time.